My New Dress

It’s week 14 in the year of living pregnantly. The number one question I received so far is definitely “How are you feeling?” Sounds simple and benign but for me it’s a bit of a loaded question. I should state for the record that Baby New Year and I have had excellent check-ups so far and we both are in great health. Most of the time people are just asking in a very superficial, polite way so I give them the appropriate "fine" or “ok” which is not entirely a lie. Half of the time I really do feel ok. But the other half of the time I feel completely out of sorts – dazed & tired, nauseous, cranky and battling the worst heartburn I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s like someone else has taken over my body – oh yeah, a little somebody has! ;)

I’ve also learned that sometimes when a woman asks “How are you feeling?” it’s really just a segue for her to tell you all about her pregnancy. Some women rave about how wonderful they felt over those 40 weeks and tell tales of shiny hair, glowing skin, radiant energy, and how much they loved being pregnant. Then other women launch into a horror story of hemorrhoids, acid reflux, sleepless nights, painful sinus pressure and mood swings that would scare Hannibal Lector. I’ve been feeling a little lost because I don’t completely identify with either Suzie Sunshine or Miserable Mary. I also think that both types of women have selectively blocked out portions of their pregnancy, but that’s another story.

So when someone asks me “How are you feeling?” it really gives me pause because I am still trying to get a handle on how I feel. Then I got two pieces of great advice which helped me put things into perspective. First my friend Cat, (a fabulous mother of three who writes a brilliant blog) told me that “Pregnancy is a condition, it's NOT all sunshine, roses and glow." That statement reminded me that this time is not only about "feeling" happy, thankful, and excited about the baby, it’s also about “feeling” all of the physical changes that are happening to my body. It sounds so obvious, but when you are in the midst of it you can easily feel lost and frustrated. I’m newly pregnant and I want to be celebrating this life growing inside of me - not trying to figure out why there’s a volcano erupting in my chest! But instead of denying or fighting these changes I am now trying to accept them as part of this miraculous transformation.

The other words of wisdom came from my doctor who described pregnancy as "... a dress that every woman wears differently”. I guess I really needed a fashion analogy to drive the point home! Every women has the perfect little black dress that hides all our flaws and accents all of our assets. But my perfect little black dress may look hideous on you and your favorite dress could be a disaster for me. There is no “one” perfect dress for all women and there’s no one way to experience pregnancy. The rational side of me knew that, but emotional side was still trying fit into the pregnancy dress I thought I should be wearing instead of trying to find the dress that fits me. So I’ve decided to go shopping for a new dress! It may not be the dress I always imagined, and some days I may have to accessorize it, but when I wear it I can answer that popular question honestly by saying “I feel good!"