I made a comment recently on Facebook that I am “starting to learn the lessons of parenthood” and I got some interesting responses. Some parents welcomed me to the club and some laughed at me and kindly said I ain’t seen nothing yet! I proudly wear the title of “Super Auntie” and I’m lucky enough to have a lot of close friends & family with children so I think I have a pretty good perspective on parenthood. I respectfully realize that I have only been visiting the rodeo and it all changes when you can’t send them home at the end of the day. But I do feel like I am gradually being introduced to some of the concepts of mommyhood. Let me explain further….
Lack of sleep is the first thing that comes to mind. Lately I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and I’m unable to go back to sleep for hours. My mind is clear and I’m wide awake as if it’s the middle of the afternoon. Then all of sudden with out reason or warming I’ll crash out again. I was fighting this phenomenon at first which just lead to more frustration. So now I just go with it. I check emails or facebook, watch some bad late night TV and I know eventually it will pass. I guess my body is getting me ready for those over night feedings. It’s funny, I used to be quite the night owl, but now making it through all of the Jon Stewart Show is impressive – oh how times have changed!
Patience is another concept that is not entirely new, but I am experiencing on another level. I have never been a very patience person as I’ve discussed on this blog before (the wait to find out the sex of my baby almost killed me!) I remember the beginning of my pregnancy and how anxious I was, time seemed to tick by so slowly and I wondered how I was ever going to make it thru the next 30 weeks. Then I started thinking back to when we were trying to get pregnant and how far away and impossible that goal seemed. Maybe it’s time, or perspective or the hormones but I have felt a new sense of calm lately. I still have that desire for the immediate response, but when it’s not possible I don’t feel that overwhelming sense of frustration that I used to.
But it’s the loss of control that I have really been struggling with. It began the moment this precious little girl started growing inside of me and my body was no longer my own. And while I am so honored to be hosting her for the next few months, it has definitely taken some time to get used to. I can’t control my hormones, my sleep patterns, my stomach, my heartburn just to names a few things. But I’ve learned I can get through it, I can survive that and a whole lot more on her behalf. But the unknowns you can’t control are still incredibly nerve racking. If there is something wrong I want to know exactly what it is and I want to be able to fix it. But pregnancy is full of unknowns – as I guess parenthood will be – and that loss of control is so difficult to embrace. But just as she is growing, changing and getting stronger every day so am I. Clearly this gestational period is not just for her, it’s the beginning of my growth as a parent. And while I don’t think I’ll be completely ready for it all at the end of these 40 weeks, I know this time is preparing me for what lies ahead.
Some other big news is I have become a working Mommy-To-Be. I am a freelancer and I have not been working for most of my pregnancy, but recently began a project that has got me back in the swing of things. More on that next time, but here’s a hint – Baby Girl is not the only Diva on the scene anymore! ;)