My Night With Michael

I really can not believe it's the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. It seems like just yesterday I was at home working away when news reports started to break. I became completely distracted and I spent the rest of the afternoon watching pieces of information drip in until finally they confirmed it - he was gone. Michael Jackson had been a fixture in my life as long as I can remember. His music on my radio, his posters on my wall, his "Thriller" video the hit of my 13th birthday party, his game changing videos debuting on MTV. As time went on and his eccentricities became more a part of his persona we talked about them, laughed about them and debated about them. He was an international super star, yet we all felt like we could form an opinion about him. Throughout his life he continually surprised us, but nothing could have been more shocking than the abrupt news that he had left us.

I anticipate today and the rest of the weekend will be filled with the usual Dateline and CNN perspective pieces looking back at his life and death. I will probably watch some of it because no matter how over saturated the media coverage can be it's still fascinating. One picture from the array of transforming images and you are mesmerised. One note of his music brings back a flood of memories to the millions of people he touched all over the world. But today I am thinking of a more personal MJ memory.

In 2001 Michael Jackson performed two concerts in New York City that were eventually edited into a television special. The concerts were memorable for a variety of reasons. It was where David Guest met Liza Minnelli and their short lived train-wreck of a marriage began. Whitney Houston looked so emaciated during her performance that rumors swirled of "possible drug problems". And of course it was a Michael Jackson tribute concert so every celebrity on the planet wanted to be involved. Unfortunately I did not get tickets to the concerts, but out of the blue I got a phone call that made up for missing the shows - I was invited to the VIP after party at Tavern On The Green! I was working at Sony Music and from time to time got invited to some pretty swanky events, but this one topped them all. At most parties there is usually an exclusive VIP section for celebs, execs and those that do not mingle with the masses. But this party was one giant VIP section. Celebrities roamed freely without the usual blanket of publicists or body guards. After all, tickets were so hard to come by it was A List only which put everyone at ease. Another factor for the jovial mood was the carnival theme of the party. Some fabulous event planner had completely transformed Tavern On The Green into a mini Neverland with carnival games, giant stuffed prized, and sticky sweet food. Music from the Wizard of Oz was playing when you walked in as we were greeted by replicas of the Munchkins who danced and mingled with the crowd all night. Honestly it was a little creepy because it felt like a little boy's birthday party. I don't want to get into all of the allegations that will forever haunt MJ, but I will say as much fun as I was having there was something odd about the tone of the room. Not in a sexually deviant way, but in a sad way. It was clear MJ constantly surrounded himself in a childlike environment. But on this night I was not going to over analyze it, I was just going to enjoy it.

After bumping into Susan Sarandon in the ladies room and chatting it up with Sam Jackson by the ball toss I headed to my table. We had the tickets of an über record exec and ended up sitting at the table right next to MJ! To see him that close was a jarring experience. He looked so frail, pale and exhausted after the concert and yet he still talked to fans and friends. I was once again torn between extreme delight in being so near to one of my childhood idols, and extremely sad for this odd man-child before me. But once again I chose to focus on the fun of the moment. As I am writing this post I realize that will always have these split emotions when I think of MJ. The happy and the sad, the amazement and bewilderment, the awe and the confusion. But I will always treasure this night, his incomparable talent and all of my MJ memories.

My first glimpse of Michael as he entered the room

Chatting it up with the Yoko Ono. I bet they are not talking about
the Beatles catalogue

A group of young boys, including Aaron Carter, were always

close by MJ.

I had to get a picture with Sam

Me, my friends and the Munchkins. It was a magical night!

The End Of My Maternity Leave

Wait - do not adjust your computer screen. You are not hallucinating, this is actually a new blog post! I know it's been waaaaay too long and I have missed you, too. It's been a crazy/busy few months to say the least. But I have finally excepted the fact that my life is going to stay crazy/busy so I've got to carve out time for the things enjoy. I truly enjoy writing my blog - and I have so much new material! Mommyhood is a fantastic, amazing, exhausting and exhilarating journey. I am also loving married life and thinking of turning a new corner in my career. So if I can get out of my own way long enough to write a post or two you'll be hearing from me on a more regular basis. I've got a lot to catch up on and I'll be going back over some past events in more detail, but here's a quick re-cap of what I've been up to.....

September ~ I traveled to New York for 3 weeks to work on "Hip Hop Honors" & "Divas" for Vh1. It was challenging experience being on the road and working such long days at 6 & 1/2 months preggers. But it actually felt good. I think a dose of some NYC living was exactly what I needed.

October ~ Returned home and was planning on taking the rest of the year off but I ended up working the "Soul Train Awards" here in Atlanta for BET/Centric. I started off strong but by the end of the month I was feeling the difference 4 weeks could make in my pregnancy.

November ~ Began the month with a wonderful baby shower thrown by my mom and my sister Lorraine! It was such a great day and I was even more excited for the little girl's arrival. Husband and I also hosted Thanksgiving at our house, which was a first. It was a little ambitious and I started to lose steam, but Husband totally stepped up and really made it a special day. He cooked a delicious turkey and as always, I am ever so thankful for him!

December ~ Such a big month, I turned 40 and I became a Mommy! Both of those events deserve their own headline and I'll cover these milestones in upcoming posts. But it was a joyous holiday season and my world changed forever on December 29th when we welcomed the beautiful Haven Lorraine into our lives!

January ~ We began 2010 by bringing Haven home from the hospital on New Year's Day. She was such a sweet little bundle, I just starred at her in awe for the first few days. I was completely stressed out the day before she arrived but once she was born everything was wonderful. The first two weeks were really very smooth, ( or maybe I was still high from the drugs!) Husband had to go out of town for work and I was dreading that but my mom, sister and dad took turns hanging with me & Haven and everything was fine. We also had a fun visit from Grandma! Then weeks 3, 4, 5 got a little hectic and were filled with some colic, gas and sleepless nights. But all in all my first month of motherhood was awesome!

February ~ During this month I think we all settled into more of a routine. I had my first date night out with the Husband on Valentine's Day. Haven & I had been laying low all winter in the house and it actually felt foreign to be dressed up, wearing make up and out at night. I think this is when I started to come out of hibernation. Little girl also started sleeping through the night and getting some solid hours of sleep helped me feel a little more human.

March ~ We started the month with a trip to Virginia to visit the Husband's family. It was quite an adventure taking the "Haven Show" on the road. I was so nervous about the 8 hour drive but she did great and loved all the attention from Grandma & Grandpa. Riding high off the trip I started to get out more and Haven & I became little social butterflies.

April ~ Haven continued to grow and change and blossom. I also started to work out and train for the "Race & Relax 5K" with The BlogRollers. I really needed a push to get moving and running that race was the perfect goal. Husband also started P90X and began blogging about his journey ( www.nudad.com). It was a spring awakening all around!

May ~ The constant juggling act of motherhood began to take it's tole this month. As much as I love spending time with my darling daughter, I was really struggling to find a sense of balance - and 5 minutes to myself! I was feeling the pangs of guilt for wanting my own space and yet still loving the privilege of being with her everyday. But I had a wonderful first Mother's Day and felt so loved by Haven and the Husband.

June ~ 5 months after giving birth I ran a 5K race! It was really hard, and I had to walk up a few of the hills but I did it! It was such a fun event, I will be writing more about this soon. I also rejoined my ALTA team and I'm trying to stay motivated to shake off the last of this baby weight.

In very broad stokes that brings us up to date. I still have a lot to talk about and promise I'll be back soon to share more of my inner dialogue!

:) Nikki D

Pre-Parenthood Lessons

I made a comment recently on Facebook that I am “starting to learn the lessons of parenthood” and I got some interesting responses. Some parents welcomed me to the club and some laughed at me and kindly said I ain’t seen nothing yet! I proudly wear the title of “Super Auntie” and I’m lucky enough to have a lot of close friends & family with children so I think I have a pretty good perspective on parenthood. I respectfully realize that I have only been visiting the rodeo and it all changes when you can’t send them home at the end of the day. But I do feel like I am gradually being introduced to some of the concepts of mommyhood. Let me explain further….

Lack of sleep is the first thing that comes to mind. Lately I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and I’m unable to go back to sleep for hours. My mind is clear and I’m wide awake as if it’s the middle of the afternoon. Then all of sudden with out reason or warming I’ll crash out again. I was fighting this phenomenon at first which just lead to more frustration. So now I just go with it. I check emails or facebook, watch some bad late night TV and I know eventually it will pass. I guess my body is getting me ready for those over night feedings. It’s funny, I used to be quite the night owl, but now making it through all of the Jon Stewart Show is impressive – oh how times have changed!

Patience is another concept that is not entirely new, but I am experiencing on another level. I have never been a very patience person as I’ve discussed on this blog before (the wait to find out the sex of my baby almost killed me!) I remember the beginning of my pregnancy and how anxious I was, time seemed to tick by so slowly and I wondered how I was ever going to make it thru the next 30 weeks. Then I started thinking back to when we were trying to get pregnant and how far away and impossible that goal seemed. Maybe it’s time, or perspective or the hormones but I have felt a new sense of calm lately. I still have that desire for the immediate response, but when it’s not possible I don’t feel that overwhelming sense of frustration that I used to.

But it’s the loss of control that I have really been struggling with. It began the moment this precious little girl started growing inside of me and my body was no longer my own. And while I am so honored to be hosting her for the next few months, it has definitely taken some time to get used to. I can’t control my hormones, my sleep patterns, my stomach, my heartburn just to names a few things. But I’ve learned I can get through it, I can survive that and a whole lot more on her behalf. But the unknowns you can’t control are still incredibly nerve racking. If there is something wrong I want to know exactly what it is and I want to be able to fix it. But pregnancy is full of unknowns – as I guess parenthood will be – and that loss of control is so difficult to embrace. But just as she is growing, changing and getting stronger every day so am I. Clearly this gestational period is not just for her, it’s the beginning of my growth as a parent. And while I don’t think I’ll be completely ready for it all at the end of these 40 weeks, I know this time is preparing me for what lies ahead.

Some other big news is I have become a working Mommy-To-Be. I am a freelancer and I have not been working for most of my pregnancy, but recently began a project that has got me back in the swing of things. More on that next time, but here’s a hint – Baby Girl is not the only Diva on the scene anymore! ;)